The Diary of Arthur Kirkland
by Miss-Hirokins.x
Summary: Being a country is pretty tough. England deals with this by writing it all on paper. Let's take a peek inside, shall we?... Pairing: US/UK, implied Ger/Ita, Fra/Can, Rus/Chi. Takes place in modern day time and events.
1. Will & Kate:The movie?

**Hey guys!**

**My first go at writing Hetalia fanfiction (so don't be too harsh _). This is just a sort of "filler" as I have my exams coming up so I created a fanfic which would be quick and easy to update, but still be good and fun!**

**Pairings: US/UK, Ger/Ita (implied).**

**Dislaimer: I do not own Hetalia. Okay?**

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><p><strong>1st May<strong>

10:00 am

Uggghhhh. How the hell can a hangover last this long. My head feels like it's imploding.

America was to lazy to actually kiss me this morning so instead he sort of slobbered on my face. How charming of him.

Oh well, at least the wedding was a sucsess. It was an incredible day. Everyone was excited. I think America was more excited than the whole of England. He even made "Will and Kate - The Movie". I smiled as best as I could as I accepted his rather disturbing gift. I still haven't brought myself to watch it. Even after he forced me to air it on TV.

That whole day was crazy though. There was a place where we countries sat and watched everyone walk in. Some of the hats were hillarious though. It took all my effort not to laugh when I saw Eugenie and Beatrix.

Kate looked beautiful though. We were all gobsmacked when she walked in. I think I was more nervous than she was about this whole wedding though.

I think seeing Kate in that dress has given North Italy some strange ideas for him and Germany. _Das ist furchtbar!_

Stupid America had to go and ruin my confident composure by pointing out how amazing I looked. I had a suit tailor made for the day (I had to look my best - 160 other countries were watching!) and apparantly I looked gorgeous. And of course, I started blushing like a freak. America didn't look all that bad in his black suit. I wish he'd dress like that more often - his casual attire looks most undignified.

Ahh well, the 29th of April 2011 is definitely a day to remember.

_Rule Britannia! Britannia rule the world!_

12:00 pm

Now then, Alternative voting? Hmmm...

Maybe I should ask China.

Hmmm, perhaps he's not the best person to ask.

Russia?

No. I think he's still a bit sore about the whole black magic thing. But seriously, everytime I try to summon the devil, he comes out of nowhere! I know he can be a bit sinister sometimes but he's hardly Lucifer!.

For Gods sake, why is it that my own government is arguing with itself? Can't Cameron and Clegg just agree for once?

This referendum is giving me a headache.

12:15 pm

France just called. Apparantly America's having a huge party to celebrate independence day and I'm not invited.

12:17 pm

What the hell. What the actual hell

France better just be winding me up.

12: 30 pm

Just rang America thinking I would confront him like a man.

Instead I just listened to him drone on about some new diet.

I hate him.

12: 31 pm

I love him. Stupid tosser.

4:30 pm

After a lot of procastinating, I finally managed to ask America about this party.

"A party?...hey that sounds like a great idea!" was his response.

I may actually murder France. I should've known this was a set up.

Although it wasn't all that bad. Afterwards he got all affectionate and worked up so we had half an hour of pulling paradise.

7: 45 pm

Hahahahahaha.

America just gave me the guest list for this party.

France isn't invited. Again.

La la la, my life is wonderful.

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><p><strong>2nd May<strong>

11:00 am

America has been in an unusually good mood this morning.

He was dancing around like a twat singing about some victory.

Hmmm he probably just lost a couple of pounds.

Yes, that's it.

12:32 pm

It turns out that earlier today, the leader of a terrorist group was killed by the U.S military.

It feels kind of weird. I mean, it's not often you celebrate a persons death.

10 years America's been hunting after this man who's caused him so much suffering.

Oh well, at least we don't have to worry anymore.

12:43 pm

America's having yet another party to celebrate the sucsess. Usually I would object to this but I suppose it's something very special for him, seeings how the terrorist attacks were so devastating.

Poor soul.

9:00 pm

Just had a lovely evening - where to begin?

The party was more of a date than anything. We went out for a meal and some drinks and his boss gave a speech about the U.S military's sucsess.

However, I noticed America looked a bit sad.

It was really strange, seeings how a lot of his citizens were dancing with joy.

Afterwards we sat in his garden, sipping wine and that's when he opened up to me.

"No matter how much I celebrate I...I know I should be happy but..."

"America, what's wrong?" I asked.

"I-it...t-the pain...England! It's never gonna go away! I think of those people who's lives were lost and I..." That was all he said before the tears came rolling out. He didn't need to say anything else - I knew exactly why he was sad.

I couldn't bear to see him cry. Even when he was a child.

So I hugged him. Kissed him. Held him.

"Shh...It's okay...It's okay..." I felt almost angry,"He's not going to hurt you anymore America..."

_"...I hope."_

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><p><strong>Awwww...<strong>

**But on a serious note, my thoughts are with those whose lives were affected by the devestating terrorist attacks.**

**Feedback would very much appreciated (puts on cutest face).**

**Bye for now!**

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**


	2. Become one with France?

**Sorry for the late update. 1) Not a lot's been happening lately (that's interesting). 2) My exams have started.**

**I promise I will make it up to you with a bit of FrUk in this chapter. See? I don't even like that pairing!**

**And I will issue a warning now that when I insult France, I am doing it because I'm writing as England - I don't actually hate France ;)****  
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><p><strong>17th May<strong>

12:00 pm

Well the past two weeks have been pretty uneventful.

Nick Clegg got owned in both the referendum and local elections.

It was actually kind of cringey and painful to watch.

Fair enough he's annoyed but now he's ranting about the NHS!

Ugghhh, politicians. Why can't they just admit defeat and step down?

12:49 pm

I don't get it. I just don't understand.

Why does America start laughing at me whenever Flying Mint Bunny comes to visit?

Okay, I can see that having a flying green fluffy bunny as a friend may look and sound stupid.

But I'll have you know he's a lot less annoying than America!

I guess he just isn't clever enough to understand the greatness of Flying Mint Bunny.

Oh well.

1:07 pm

Just had yet another phone call from the joke that is France.

He wants me to visit him tonight. He said he had something to discuss with me.

Just what is he scheming?

Whatever it is, it can only be bad.

3:45 pm

Ughhh I feel sick. Just what does France want with me?

Maybe he's still sore about the whole party thing..

But he was the one who started it!

Maybe he's just realised how great I am and has decided to apologise for always being a dick towards me.

No.

Why are you such an arsehole?

Well, I'm off to the airport - wish me luck!

11:15 pm

Holy mother of God.

France came on to me.

I present to you "The Sexual Harrasment of Arthur Kirkland."

-_The Sexual Harrasment of Arthur Kirkland.-_

_England was sat in Frances lounge, reluctantly eating some escargot. France had been acting rather strangely, and as the two forced small talk this became all the more noticeable. Irritated and wanting to go back home where a rather appealing America was waiting for him, England decided to get to the bottom of this._

_"So why have you brought me here?" he asked, eagerly awaiting the response. France shuffled uncomfortably, averting his eyes from England's penetrating gaze._

_"I have something I would like to ask of you." he slowly replied, moving slightly closer to his unsuspecting victim. England had become curious by Frances actions and was almost intrigued._

_"A-and what would that be?" he questioned nervously. This time he wan't so sure that he wanted to hear the answer. _

_All of a sudden, England felt his hand being taken by Frances as he was drawn closer to his enemy. A soft hand brushed his cheek._

_"Become one with me."_

_England hoped that he had misheard France. Sadly this was not the case. All of a sudden, France painfully crashed his lips onto England. As if that wasn't disgusting enough he also tried tonguing the poor fellow. The poor victim tried to fight back but France had a firm grip on him (had he done this before to other countries?). Unfortunately, all Britain could do was wait until France was finished and accept the disgusting, sloppy kiss. When France was finished, he upheld a smile of victory. This was short lived as England punched him in the face before running as fast as he could out of the door._

_Soon, he was on a plane back to London where there would be no creepy frogs to bother him._

_THE END._

So there you have it. The story of how France tried to rape me. How lovely.

But now there's an even bigger problem on my mind.

Do I tell America?

I mean, I have to tell someone.

But the problem is, America tends to get a bit...overexcited.

Maybe I should just leave it.

On second thoughts it would be great to see America beat the shit out of him.

Tell him?

Don't tell him?

ARRRGHHH!

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><p><strong>I know this chapter's a bit bad and crappy and seems rushed.<strong>

**But honestly I just haven't had a lot of time.**

**Please leave a review as I need feedback so I know what to improve! ^_^  
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	3. The world is ending?

**Hello ^_^**

**Thankyou for the reviews - they have been most appreciated :D Unfortunately it's hard to reply to them as I am having to balance this with exams.**

**This will probably be my last update before half term so the next one will be super long to compensate for these two short ones :)  
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**Onwards with chapter 3!**

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><p><strong>21st May<strong>

9:00am

It has been almost a week since the "incident" avec mon enemy France, and I have said nothing about it to America.

However, talking to America has been a little...difficult lately.

Today is the 21st of May. Nothing special. Just a normal day.

Sadly, in yet another one of America's crazy ideas this is not the case.

According to him, today is Judgement day.

And at 6pm, the world will end.

So now I have a paranoid America running around with a Bible and a banner advertising judgement day.

This is what I have to put up with.

12:27pm

I WILL KILL HIM ONE DAY.

Thanks to this Harold Camping guy I doubt I will ever be able to walk again.

America comes up to me with a very familiar smile on his face.

The "I want you now" smile.

There was me thinking he had come to his senses.

But then he turns and whispers in my ear,"Lets go at it like it's the last night on Earth."

Before I knew it I was on the bed with a very hungry looking America tearing my clothes off.

And...I think you get the idea.

For 2 hours.

If Jesus could hurry up with his arrival I would be truely grateful.

1:05 pm

Dear God,

Please may you aim this rapture at France?

And instead of having one per country, France could just have a rapture every hour?

Thanks, England xxx

2:41 pm

America called an "Emergency Final Meeting" with all the allies.

It was incredibly awkward.

Rather that laughing at America's attempt to hold back tears as he delivered a shocking speech, all I could do was feel France's heavy gaze on me. Everytime I looked at him he'd wink or bite his lip like a freak.

Why can't he take a hint? I thought the whole punching him in the face would've given him the message.

As soon as the meeting ended, I ran out of the room and went straight home.

America came later and asked me what was wrong.

I just told him it was nothing. Lies.

He just assumed I was frightened about the whole Judgement Day thing and by that point I had given up telling him it was a load of rubbish and just agreed.

We just sat together and snuggled for about half an hour.

He can be sweet when he wants to be.

3:45 pm

America is driving me crazy with this Judgement day nonsese.

Owww my head hurts.

He does realise that I have many more important things to worry about.

Like for example, the Queen.

I could barely sleep the other night I was so worried for her safety.

Still, her visit to Ireland will hopefully help us meet them halfway.

4:05 pm

America is clinging to me like crazy.

He keeps going on about he wants to "spend his last moments with me".

Still, it could be worse.

It could be France.

Uggghh the very thought of him makes me feel sick.

I seriously need to tell America.

But how?

That's it, I'm getting myself a cup of tea.

6:33 pm

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

I really regret deciding to tell America about my french sexual harassment.

It was 5:59 pm, and America was holding on to me tighter than ever as we sat on the sofa together, as the countdown to the Apocalypse began.

And as always, America always makes me do stupid things.

So in the last 10 seconds, we each had to confess to something we'd done.

Apparently thats the proper thing to do when you're about to die.

We were meant to have 5 seconds each to confess and at the last second we were meant to kiss.

Seriously, this is what goes on in America's head.

So it got to ten seconds and I was to go first. So I took a deep breath and told him.

"I got molested by France last week!" I said as quickly as possible. America froze.

"What?" he asked before bursting into laughter. I smiled awkwardly trying to think of the best possible way to tell him that this wasn't a joke.

_"One." _All of a sudden, he was kissing me like he had never before. We stayed like that for a few seconds before America finally realised.

"Hey...were...WE'RE ALIVE!" He was laughs and smiles again, and was practically crying with joy.

Idiot.

"Now what was that joke again?" he asked enthusiastically. I laughed awkwardly.

"Erm...I wasn't joking...France...he kind of...kissed me..." I finally told him.

If looks could kill I would've been dead by the glare he gave me.

"He what?" he asked again sounding angry.

"I-I punched him a-and ran though! I didn't accept it!" I stammered, not wanting to die (seeings how I had just survived a rapture).

"France just loves to piss me off, doesn't he?" he growled. I had an urge to say the same thing about America, but restrained myself. All of a sudden, America had a phone held up to his ear.

Oh no.

He wasn't.

"Hey France, I was wondering if you could come with me to a party in England? Drinks on me!"

Crap.

"Yeah it's tomorrow, about 7pm...sounds great! See you there!" America hung up. "No one touches MY England and gets away with it."

This isn't going to go down well.

Why the hell do I put up with America?

Although I do kind of like it when he's possesive...

But still!

France is going to be here tomorrow.

Maybe the world really will end...

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><p><strong>Dun dun DUUUUUUUUN!<strong>

**Yay for unnessecary build up ^_^**

**Please leave a review!**

**Sayonara ;) xoxoxoxoxoxox  
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	4. Plan SEAMATH?

**HOLY CRAP I'M BACK!**

**I better explain. I have had LOADS of exams and LOADS of writers block. Plus LOADS of rehearsals for a play I'm in.  
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**Also these past few weeks have been pretty dreadful for me, but don't worry I'm fine!  
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**I will be updating this soon as I need catch up. And sorry if the lines are all screwed up in the formatting of this...the editor things is trying as hard as possible to annoy me.  
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**But enough about me, let's go! ^.^**

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><p><strong>22nd May<strong>

10:00am

Why? WHY?

Why the hell did I fall in love with stupid America?

More importantly, why did France fall in love with me?

I just hope America won't do anything stupid...

Like that will ever happen.

12:00pm

America's being very quiet at the moment.

I really want to comfort him but I'm not sure that would be appropriate.

I can tell he's mad at me for letting France violate me like that but what was I meant to do.

Oh well, I better just keep smiling as his boss is over.

Now there's a thought.

He'll be going home soon.

YES!

4:28pm

Ugh I'm so frightened right now. What the hell is America planning?

I really don't want France to come over.

Please God! I don't want to be molested by some pervy freak!

Oh crap, America's coming and he's got that evil glint in his eye.

5:30pm

Here we go.

This is not "Plan A" or "Plan B". This is "Plan Saving-Englands-Ass-Making-America-The-Hero."

I'm not sure I like the name.

**Plan SEAMATH**

**France arrives at approximately 7pm. England serves France some inedible food to start things off (and if we're lucky, poison him a little). England is seated alone in the lounge with France as live bait. France is about to molest England when America transforms into his SUPER MEGA ULTRA AWESOME RADIOACTIVE SUPERSONIC MAGIC TRIPLE-STRENGTH SPECIAL HERO MODE and defeats France in an epic showdown. He then becomes a world reknowned hero.**

What. The. Hell.

First of all what is wrong with my food? Fish and Chips never hurt anybody!

Second of all what is with waiting until France makes a pass at me before doing anything?

I'm not even going to comment on America's hero form.

I think I probably should have thought up the plan.

I can not see this going well...

8:12pm

I nearly died.

So the plan just before France tried to jump me, America would jump in and "save the day".

So I'm sat there awkwardly.

France says "You know you want me. Just say it England."

Ewwwwwwwww.

So I say "Piss off, wanker."

And France decides to invade my personal space and pins himself on top of me."Just admit it England. Or are you just shy? Maybe I can help."

Shit.

He was leaning in to kiss me. And I sat there grinning like an idiot. Because I was stupid enough to believe that America was going to come flying through the door like some superhero and save me.

Turns out I was wrong.

As France started pulling me I soon realised that America wasn't going to be coming any time soon.

So I began struggling, trying to get France off me. But he had other ideas.

Then all of a sudden, the door opened. There was America with a ton of fast food in his arms.

"Oh hey France I forgot you wer- WHAT THE HELL?"

The look on France's face was priceless. He screamed like a little girl before diving out of the window.

Wasn't America meant to be beating him up?

"Hey dude, there was a special offer on at MacDonalds! You could get a triple burger for the price of a normal! So I bought what I like to call the 'triple triple' and had three triples for the twice of one normal!"

That stupid bastard.

"So you mean to tell me that while I was being molested by some pervet and waiting for you to save me, you decided to go and buy fast food."

America stopped and stared for a minute. Then all of a sudden something snapped.

"AS IF THAT BASTARD GOT AWAY OH WELL YOU'RE NOT SCARRED OR ANYTHING AND TECHINICALLY I SAVED YOU SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I'M THE-"

Smack!

No more coke for him.

I knew this was a bad idea.

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><p><strong>1st June<strong>

11:27am

Strange.

It's a lot quieter when America's not around.

I feel kind of bad.

We left on pretty bad terms.

Well we did.

However Obamas visit over here was a great sucsess!

I always wonder how they would react if they found out how England and Americas international relations _really_ stand.

4:35pm

Just recieved a phone call from Germany.

Theres a bacterial infection going around over there and apparantly it's do with some cucumbers from Spain. Or thats what they think anyway.

It was so funny listening to him.

"Dat Spanish bastard. Now Italy insists on being around me all the time to make sure I'm okay. It's exhausting. Vhy is it alvays Germany?"

It could be worse. He could have America for a boyfriend.

Now _that's _exhausting.

8:48pm

Oh my God.

I just had the most awful and terrifying thought.

I am alone in my house.

It is dark outside.

There is a pervy nation that wants to become one with me who is right next door.

And America isn't here to scare him away.

Bollocks.

10:39pm

I cannot sleep at all.

Why? Why me?

Here I am trying to have a nice relationship with America and then France has to butt in and screw things up.

I think America's still a bit pissed about France. I tried to ring him but he isn't answering.

What the hell, I didn't ask for France to fall in love with me!

Enough of this!

I'm just going to have to gather all my courage and face him like a man.

On second thoughts that's probably not a good idea.

This is crap.

I never thought I'd say this but...

I miss America.

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><p><strong>Yaaay. I hope you guys have enjoyed this update.<strong>

**Like I said, the ruler function keeps screwing up so I'm sorry if there happens to be a random line somewhere XD**

**Please leave a review telling me what you thought, any improvements I could make etc.**

**Sayonara xoxoxoxoxox**


	5. Best Independence day ever?

**Guess who's back? XD**

**EXAMS ARE OVER :D Which means much more fanfics.**

**Well not a lot's been happening over here in England so it's been kind of hard to write.**

**That and I wanted to write something special for Independance day. Sorry if it's a bit crappy (I don't really know a lot about Independance Day XD)**

**So here we go with an extra long Independance day special :)**

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><p><strong><span>3rd July<span>**

10:35 am

One month.

One month of nothingness.

I never thought my life would be so dull without America.

Ever since that incident with France, me and America's phone calls just haven't been the same.

After meetings it's now always me that has to go and invite him out.

Even when we...you know what...it's not the same.

Right I'm fed up. One way or another I will get him to talk to me the way he used to.

1:07pm

I am such an idiot!

Bloody France had to come and ruin everything!

America has allowed France to convince him that I know longer love him and am having an affair with le France.

I would like to change my first statement.

America is such an idiot!

I keep telling him it's a load of crap.

But he's so stubborn.

And now I think I've gone and made it worse. He keeps ignoring my calls and texts.

You see, we got into an argument.

And I said some stupid things.

I said how I thought he's the one who hates me.

And I told him how much it hurts.

I said how hard it is watching him celebrate July 4th.

But worst of all,

I told him that I wish I had fallen in love with France instead of him. Because it wouldn't hurt half as much as being in love with him does.

Why?

Why does he make me say stupid things like that?

Bloody wanker...

11:13pm

Sorry for falling asleep on you.

I have so many thoughts at the moment I just get lost in them.

And because of all the stress I'm in it's getting harder for me to sleep.

Everyone seems worried.

America, France, and now even Canada is giving me nightmares.

Why America? Why?

11:47pm

FRANCE YOU WANKER!

Why? Why is everyone screwing with me?

I'm sat there thinking things couldn't get any worse.

And then right on cue France comes knocking on the door.

I tried to close the door on him but he jammed his foot in there.

He said all he wanted was to apologise for Canada's recent behavior.

What the hell has that got to do with him?

But of course being a gentleman I accepted his apology.

Then he started saying how worried he'd been.

Saying how he would treat me better than America ever would.

And then it started.

The tears.

I couldn't hold them in. Even in front of my mortal enemy I just couldn't.

He held me for a while. I don't think anyone's ever comforted me like that.

And the he kissed me again. Now that's where I draw the line.

So out of my house he went.

But not out of my mind.

Why can't he just leave me alone? Can't he see what he's doing to me?

Now that I think about it...the person that's really been causing me all this trouble...is France.

He's the one who made America doubt me.

And he's the one who made me doubt America.

...That sneaky bastard.

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><p><strong>4th July<strong>

10:15am

Well this is it.

Independance day.

The most hated day in my calendar.

This is the day where America parties all day and ignores me.

How romantic.

I'm not sure I want to write about this.

It...it makes me too sad.

12:15pm

I wonder what America's doing right now?

I wonder if he's thought about me at all today?

Stupid idiot.

3:24pm

I just got an email from America.

_"Hey Iggie! Remember that party I planned? I understand if you don't want to come but, I really would love it if you did. Hope to see you there! - America x"_

Should I go?

No, the question is, can I face him?

I have to stop being like this.

I'm going to face him like a man.

No, I seriously mean it this time.

Wish me luck!

11:32pm

OH MY GOD!

I really hope this wasn't all just a dream.

So I arrived at the Whitehouse.

I hated to admit it looked beautiful with all the red, white and blue decorations.

After I had greeted all these American politicians (who I don't think took too kindly to me being there) I just chatted with Japan for a bit.

I felt someone tapping at my shoulder.

It was him, America. And he looked gorgeous.

For once he had brushed himself up. His hair was nicely styled and he was wearing a very hot suit. I could've melted just by looking at him.

He shook my hand and invited me out to the garden.

Out there of course, we could be a couple.

I'd hate to see how they would've reacted if they saw me and America having a pull on Independence day.

So there we were, sat in the garden of the Whitehouse.

And America turned and very gracefully said, "Look England, shit's been happening."

Usually I would've scolded him for murdering the English language like that but knew this was serious.

I wasn't really sure what to say, so I just said things how they were.

"Look, I'm not having an affair with France. And trust me, I _never _will." I said. He looked at me.

And good lord.

He actually looked serious for once.

"And I'm sorry for saying those stupid things-"

He interrupted me.

"Don't apologise."

What the hell? There I was trying to be a gentleman and he just stopped me.

Then all of a sudden he grabbed both of my hands and looked me in the eye.

"England...I know...I..."

I tried to escape. The more he looked into my eyes the closer those tears seemed to reach to the surface of them.

"America please, I understand-"

I tried to stop him but he was persistent.

"No but you don't! I...I can't help but celebrate today, I mean it's the day I truly became a country! But you know I never meant to hurt you!"

I felt like my heart was about to explode.

"England...I'm sorry for being such a bad boyfriend. Now that I think about it, I always put myself before you even though you've always taken care of me and been there when I needed you!"

"Now that's not always true, remember World Wa-"

"I'm being serious here! You said wish you'd fallen for France...and I don't blame you."

That was it.

My body just suddenly moved with a mind of it's own and I kissed him.

When we pulled apart I realised something. I was crying.

America held me the way he used to again for the first time in weeks.

"Look, sometimes you can be a right wanker. Sometimes you can really annoy me. But no matter what, I wouldn't choose France over you in a million years. Do you know why?"

America looked puzzled.

"Because he smells like garlic?"

Silly billy.

I tugged at his cheek,

"Because I love _you._" By this point I was sobbing.

And then as if nothing had happened we were back to normal.

We made out under the fireworks for a few minutes before America sadly had to go and greet more guests.

Fortunately when the party was over we went to his house and had a party of our own until sadly I had to leave.

But this is certainly one Independance Day I will never forget.

America, I love you.

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><p><strong>Yaaaay for happiness ^.^<strong>

**Sorry if there were some typos. When I do longer chapters I tend to get a bit lazy with proof reading :L  
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**Hope all you Americans had a fun day!  
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**Reviews would be very much appreciated :)**

**Sayonara xoxoxoxoxox  
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	6. Summer of Hell?

**PLEASE READ THIS IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.**

**I am on holiday for about 5-6 weeks and will have NO internet. **

**So this chapter is sort of like a prolouge for when I return from my cruise :)**

**Enjoy  
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><p><span>11:00 am<span>

Well, I woke up to a lovely suprise this morning.

America, cuddling me in bed.

I asked him what he was doing here and then I see two plane tickets in his hand.

Two tickets to Barbados.

"You wanna come with me?"

Stupid wanker, did he even have to ask?

"Of course you idiot." I chuckled. And with that we were kissing.

It's going to be a great summer.

5:17pm

BLOODY HELL.

We arrive at the airport.

There I was looking forward to our romantic getaway.

And then I saw something that almost gave me a heart attack.

Germany, Italy, Japan, China, Russia...

And _him._

And by "_him_" I mean my evil enemy.

France.

This is going to be a summer of hell...

* * *

><p><strong>So there you have it. The cliff hanger of doom XD<strong>

**I hope you all have lovely holidays! :D**

**And again, reviews would be very much appreciated.**

**Sayonara xxxxxxxxx**


	7. Holidays are already over?

**FINALLY IT IS READY!**

**So I have a lot of explaining to do.**

**To cut a long story short, I had about three versions of this chapter and couldn't decide which one to use. In the end I kind of combined some of the ideas from all of them. But even now I'm not 100 per cent happy with this chapter but I thought I really couldn't keep you guys waiting any longer. Then there's the whole issue of me starting Sixth Form. AS levels mean a lot of work T.T**

**But on the bright side I met an anime fangirl on my cruise and she was also a Hetalia fan! They were some great days - wish I was back on that ship :(**

**Before we start, I would just like to say that no, I do not personally have anything against the French. I'm just writing in Arthur's character is all.  
><strong>

****There will be a few tiny hints of RuChi chapter.****

**I hope you guys enjoy this super long chapter :)**

**Anyways, on with chapter seven at long last!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday 17th September<strong>

10:15 am

Well what can I say?

This holiday has been...interesting to say the least.

Well here is my account on what happened!

WARNING: This includes scenes of extreme French pervyness which you may find disturbing.

So first of all, the flight to Barbados.

It was a miracle that we even made it on to the plane after a certain someone forgot to set his watch back...

Anyway, me and America were sitting quite happily together. I was having a lot of fun scolding him over the debt crisis.

And you guessed it.

My little froggy friend decided to make us aware of his presence by joining in my rant whilst feeling me up. This resulted in a huge argument breaking out between him and America.

Eventually an air hostess moved France away from us.

Yes!

Then she replaced him with Germany and Italy.

Italy started crying because he thought we would attack him.

Germany yelled at him.

And then they started snuggling and kissing and stuff.

Yuck.

This made the rest of the journey very awkward as the two decided to do this whilst me and America were sat right in front of them and could hear everything that was going on.

And to top it all off, when it was night time, America got bored because he couldn't sleep. And he notices everyone is sleeping, the lights are down...and all of the airplane toilets are empty.

So just as I was about to fall asleep, America shakes me.

"This better be important you wanker." I growled.

"England! Now's our chance!" he whispered excitedly.

"Our chance to do what exactly?" I asked.

"To join the mile high club." This time he sounded seductive.

"What the bloody hell is-" The moment I saw his face, knew there was only one thing on his mind. "Are you bonkers? Not only is this indecent but-"

I never got a chance to finish my rant as America kissed me before carrying me off into one of the toilets.

I wish I could say I fought back but...

I couldn't resist.

However, when we walked out of the bathroom rather sheepishly, we were greeted by a very scary Russia who had heard everything.

So now I am a victim of blackmail.

Thank you America. Thank you very much.

I can honestly say I was relieved when the plane finally landed. But of course that was the beginning of even more trouble...

* * *

><p>So this is what the hotel was like.<p>

4 swimming pools

2 hot tubs

5 water slides

A beach area

LOTS of pubs

Volleyball

Table tennis

etc,

Now I know what you're thinking

"Wow that sounds great!"

Well, it would've been if not for the stupid balcony system.

Basically, each balcony was seperated by a dividing gate thingy.

And our room "just happened" to be next to Frances.

Fan-tucking-fastic.

Now it's really not that hard to open the gates between each balcony. And the sliding doors could be opened from the inside and out.

At this point I guess you are wondering how the hell you prevented burgalars.

Well, there was a massive safe to put valuables in.

But it still made me wonder what you would do if you came back from the pool and all your clothes had been taken.

Basically, because of this system, a very awkward misunderstanding occured.

And of course, it involved our favourite froggy friend.

* * *

><p>After an hours car journey to the hotel, we eventually made it to our room.<p>

I hate to say it but...

America had actually done something right.

It was beautiful.

A bit honeymoonish.

But beautiful.

America kissed me and carried me over to the pretty, petal covered bed.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close before closing his eyes.

Finally I could get some rest.

Or so I thought.

I was in the middle of my nap when I was woken by a sudden questionable presence in the room.

My froggy senses were tingling...

Before I knew it, a bed intruder had climbed through my window (well, balcony) and crawled into my bed.

When I nudged America to warn him that the French were invading our bed, I soon realised that he wan't there. And then as if on cue, I could hear the shower running, accompanied by the sound of America singing his national anthem.

So here is a low down of the stituation at the time.

France was in my bed, pinning me down and threatening me with his rather disturbing rape face whilst touching me in some very awkward places.

America was in the shower, murdering "Star Spangled Banner", completely unaware that a disgusting perve was molesting me.

And then the _creme de la creme_ as Mr Frog - Pedobear hybrid would say.

China walks into the room through the balcony by accident and completely misreads the situation.

"Ni hao ma Russia...umm wrong room aru!"

And with that he ran.

Why?

Why couldn't he have phoned the police?

Well at least having China walk in like that was enough to make France scream like a girl and run away.

Yes I know.

China is on our side.

I think he was frightened that he would call the police.

Sadly, he didn't (as I said earlier). Wanker.

After France has ran away, America finally decides to make an appearance.

"Hey, you okay dude?"

At the time I didn't think it necessary to tell him.

I take back what I said about him having "done something right."

* * *

><p>As I walked to breakfast the next day, I was approached by a very cheerful seeming Russia.<p>

"I just wanted to say thank you England." he said happily.

This was a bad sign.

"Haha...and why exactly?" I asked, dreading his response.

"Because now I have a very juicy scandal which I can use for more blackmail and remove you from threat list." he was chuckling in that very psychopathical way of his.

"W-what do you mean?" I stammered.

"You know what I mean. First America, and now France is in your bed? So you shall follow my every order now, da?" As he spoke, his tone had seemed to become more and more evil by the second. I simply just gave an awkward laugh as he walked over to where a very guilty looking China was sat and put his arm around him.

That bastard.

Out of all the countries in the world, he just had to be with Russia? Why couldn't he have been with Greece? All he does is sleep and stroke cats!

Now I looked like a complete man whore.

Of course I explained everything to America.

This was it.

We had come up with a plan even better than SEAMATH.

Though to be fair that isn't really difficult.

This had to be the most ingenious plan known to man.

This was Plan Embarrass France And Use That Guy Who We Don't Know But Is Apparantly America's Brother As Frances Next Victim.

(After hours and hours we realised that guy was called Canada).

* * *

><p>About a week later, there was a beach party.<p>

Everything was in place.

I spent some time just chatting and laughing as I watched Prussia sing some...interesting karaoke.

When he had finally finished singing his rendition of "I Am The Best", I siezed my oppurtunity to take charge of the microphone.

I cleared my throat nervously before speaking.

"If I could just have everyones attention for a second..."

I soon realised that quite a few of us were drunk.

All I really heard was a load of drunken song requests.

"OI SHUT UP!" I yelled, silencing everyone. "First I would like to thank the organisers of this party for what has been a brilliant evening." Everyone cheered and clapped. "And thank you for also giving me this oppurtunity to use this microphone. France, I will never ever love you as long as we both shall live! So leave me alone! Your breath stinks, you're a total pussy and just a plain pervet! The only times you make me smile are times like these when I get to embarass you in front of everyone. But of course, you don't need me to help you with that as you are an expert at publicly humiliating yourself anyway! And the only reason you come on to me is cause you're so desperate because no one else loves you either! Now stop molesting me!"

Awkward silence.

Broken by the sound of France crying and running away.

It was one thing to say it to him when it was just us two. He probably had just interpreted that as me playing "hard to get". But yelling it like that in front of all those people was just too much for him.

Thanks to the drunkeness of everyone, the party just picked up again almost immediately, as if nothing had just happened.

But don't worry, I didn't just leave things like that.

I'm not _that _mean.

There was a second part to me and Americas plan.

America lead his brother to where France had hidden himself and was sobbing uncontrollably.

I hate to admit it but...I did feel rather guilty when America told me about it.

But to be fair, I did give France about a million warnings about not trying to get in my pants.

Anyway, that guy...dammit...what's his name?...

Canada!

I so knew that.

So Canada was brought to France by America. It was quite funny really, poor Canada had no idea what was going on.

America apologised for my behavior.

France replied,"It's okay, what he said was true...nobody loves me..."

"Hey...I...I...I understand how you feel!" Canada cried out in a bid to be heard. "I'm never noticed or remembered - even my own brother doesn't know my name!"

"That's not true!" America shouted defensively.

"What's my name then?" Canada asked angrily.

"Umm...umm...ermmmm...I think it begins with a D..." France looked at him with a weak smile.

"It's Canada, right?" he answered with sympathy for the young man. It was Canadas turn to burst into tears as he flung his arms around France with joy.

As the two comforted each other and began chatting, America left them to it.

I waited for America on the beach. I gave a sigh of relief when he appeared with that huge grin on his face.

Our plan had been sucsessful.

"And now, we can partaaay!" America exclaimed happily as he snaked his arm around my waist.

"I believe the correct word is 'party'." I chuckled teasingly. And with that, he pulled me into a long passionate kiss.

* * *

><p>As lovely as my time in Barbados was, sadly the happiness ended when I got a phone call from my boss.<p>

Riots.

When I learned of the situation, I felt furious and sad at the same time. I wanted to scream, cry or throw a tantrum.

Why?

I didn't understand.

I told America who was held me and allowed me to shout, curse and weep for myself.

It was then decided that I was to go home.

So it was farewell to Barbados.

And hello home.

When the mess back home was finally sorted out, I spent a lot of my days with America.

Before the holidays we hadn't really had a lot of time to spend as a couple.

So we made sure that this holiday was all about us.

And no, I am not telling you about all the sloppy mushy stuff, it's way too embarassing...

Soon, it was my turn to comfort America.

Last Sunday was the 10th anniversary of that horrific event.

9/11.

We had a memorial service in my homeland where I payed my respects.

After that I got on a plane to America.

I tried to be strong, but seeing America so sombre and upset had me in tears.

3000 innocent people. It doesn't seem real.

I remember 2001 when I watched it on the news. I was in disblief.

How? How could someone do something like that?

I searched desperately for the answers but didn't know.

How badly I wanted to take the pain away from America.

He was inconsolable.

I just hugged and kissed him as he let it all out.

The poor soul.

I remembered when it was reported that the man behind the attacks was dead.

That man brought him so much suffering.

But he's gone now.

Hopefully, it'll be the beginning of peace.

Hopefully, nothing as awful as 9/11 will ever happen again.

I hope...

* * *

><p>So there you have it.<p>

This holiday was a rollercoaster.

One minute it was carefree happiness, next minute we were faced with the cruelty of reality.

Well, it's time to move on from those days of freedom.

Normality is picking up again here as children go back to school and adults go back to work.

Tomorrow is a brand new day.

And I have a feeling Russia will be involved...

* * *

><p><strong>TA DAAAH!<strong>

**So it's FraCan now, eh? Tehehehehehe.**

**I thought the whole France molesting England thing was starting to get old, so I decided to make a fresh new start and find a new victim for France XD. Oh and just to make things clear, I don't have anything against the French - all insults are in the name of fanfiction XD.  
><strong>

**And also, R.I.P to those victims of 9/11. My thoughts are with all those who were affected 3**

**So I hope you've enjoyed my long awaited update and I will be writing again soon!**

**Reviews are very much appreciated :)**

**Sayonara **

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**


	8. Paranormal activity in my house?

**So I guess I have a lot of explaining to do.**

**I've had my work cut out a lot lately**. **I've just started Sixth Form and I've had soo many pieces of homework, I guess I never really got round to updating.**

**Also, not a lot of stuff has been happening in England for me to write about! Seriously, there's nothing interesting that's really happened here that isn't depressing T.T  
><strong>

**But now that I have adjusted to sixth form life and am coping- I shall be updating a lot more regularly! ^.^**

**Let's go! :)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>20th October<strong>

10:35 am.

I don't believe it.

I don't bloody believe it.

HOW THE HELL DID FRANCE BEAT ME IN THE RUGBY!

Uggghhhh as if, stupid wanker.

I seriously want to cry.

14:32 pm

I thought pushing France onto Canada would be the end of my problems.

However I'm starting to become even more grossed out than before.

Everytime I see France he has his tongue halfway down his boyfriends throat.

Seriously?

At least me and America make some effort to conceal it...

Well, sort of.

Anyway, I have called America to see if he wants to come over.

After hearing the news about Libya we are going to have a few drinks to celebrate.

It still feels weird, celebrating death though.

Oh well, maybe America will keep me warm as it has been freezing at the moment.

16:05 pm

China just stopped by here for a break before continuing his journey to Russia.

It's really annoying me, why won't he tell me what's going on?

It's obvious that there's something between them and yet he passes it all off as nothing.

Well it was nice to catch up with him anyay.

I just wish he would keep that damn Panda away from my biscuit tin.

Now I have nothing to drink my tea with.

Thanks Panda, thank you very much.

10:15 pm

For Gods sake.

I thought it would be nice to have America stay the night, seeings how cold the weather is.

But no.

After having a few drinks, America asked me if I wanted to watch a new movie with him

So I said "fine."

Little did I know that this movie was "Paranormal Activity 3."

We watched it.

I did get quite scared but afterwards I was fine.

Unlike America...

All I asked is if he wanted to "warm me up".

And he was like "ARE YOU STUPID? WE CAN'T DO THAT, WE'LL MAKE THE DEMONS ANGRY!"

He then ran around my house like a madman taking down all the mirrors.

The first time I've seen him in ages and he spends half the night removing all the furniture from my house and burning sage, and spends the other half cuddling me and crying like a baby.

I knew I shouldn't have let him watch that movie...

* * *

><p><span>11:35 am<span>

Well this morning was...awkward.

America's just acting as if he didn't just spend the whole of last night hiding behind sheets and screaming like a little girl.

He is pretty cute when he's like this though.

Whilst sitting on the couch and having my morning cup of tea, he wrapped his arm around me for a while.

I think that's the warmest I've felt for a long time.

14:27 pm

Okay I think we may actually have some serious paranormal activity going on.

I'm sat with America, cuddling and kissing.

When all of a sudden, America's screaming like a pansy again.

So I looked over and I could see someones silhouette running away from the window.

Obviously I was slightly more rational about this than America was.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S BLOODY MARY! WE'VE MADE HER MAD! FORGIVE US MARY! FORGIVEE USSS!"

Eventually I managed to get him to calm down.

Although it does make me wonder, who was that?

17:51 pm

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

I was sat eating some fish and chips when the phone rang.

Despite America's warnings not to answer it (as it could be a demon), I picked up the reciever.

It was my boss.

"What the bloody hell is going on? Do you have any idea much outrageous this scandal is? You better have a good explanation for this!"

My heart instanly sank as I began to feel nauseous. Whatever this was, it wasn't going to be good.

"What are you talking about?" I asked nervously.

"Just turn on the news!"

As soon as I switched from America's reality show crap to the news channel, I regretted it.

_"Questions have been raised after these pictures have emerged of England and America engaging in romantic interactions."_

No.

_"Just what is going on between England and America?"_

No.

_"Is Britain gay?"_

This is bad.

This is very bad.

What the hell do I do?

What can I do?

I can hear the paparazzi outside yelling for me to come out and answer their questions.

How did they find out?

I am completely screwed.

* * *

><p><strong>Plays dramatic music/**

**So here's a nice big cliffy for you guys :)**

**I hope you liked it, sorry if it was a bit sucky.**

**Please leave a review :)**

**Sayonara**

**xoxoxoxoxoxox**


	9. Wherefore art thou America?

**Yaaay I'm actually updating.**

**I'm sorry to say that all that has been on the news lately is the Eurozone crisis. And I can't really joke about that T_T**

**Oh well, it's been waay to long since the last update and I am hoping that this will be the last time I sit at my desk and say "I promise I'll update sooner." XD**

**Enough of my blabbering - on with the show!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday 26th<strong>

11:48 am

I really I could just vanish into thin air.

These past weeks have been awful.

Trying to negotiate with the rest of Europe has just been one disaster after another.

And now those photos have been leaked, no one seems to take me seriously.

Both the US and the UK government have been endlessly trying to convince people that they're fake.

Most channels have suceeded in doing so.

However, there are now protesters who are adament that they are real.

Part of me just wants to give up. To stop hiding all the time and just tell everyone the truth and be happy with America.

But the reality is, that just isn't possible.

12:16 pm

God I miss America.

Our bosses have banned us from seeing each other so now the phone is the best we've got.

Well it was sweet of him to sneak over and hug me on Rememberance Day.

But seriously, what am I supposed to do?

I'm a prisoner in my own home, as the paparazzi are following me everywhere.

There's a bloody Eurozone crisis on my hands.

And now I'm not even allowed to see my boyfriend.

I can't even go to France and...umm...Cadanans party tonight because apparantly Cadanan is somwhere near America.

I feel like a teenager whose just been grounded.

Right, time for my anti depression routine.

I'm going to go and pour a cup of tea, get some biscuits, wrap up in a blanket and watch "Miranda".

Ahhh this is the life.

18:07 pm

Hmm I wonder If Frances party has started yet.

NO.

I don't need to think about that.

I'm having a great time on my own.

Although...I suppose America will be there aswell.

NO NO NO.

Miranda Hart is all the company I need!

And it's Frances stupid party.

It;ll be full of garlic...and cheese...and French things...and...and...

...and America.

I wish I could see him.

11:53 pm

Bloody hell!

I feel like one of those American high school girls on those teen dramas that America likes to watch.

So, I'm upstairs in my room, trying to read, but really just daydreaming about the party.

And then all of a sudden, a rock smashes through my window.

So immediately I think "Oh shit, a burgalar."

But then I hear something.

"ENGLAND! YOU IN THERE?"

I could recognise that voice miles away,

It was America.

I walk over to the window and poke my head out.

And sure enough, there he was.

And he looked gorgeous.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing you imbocile? That was my window!" I shout as quietly as possible.

America just laughed like some little kid.

"Hehehe sorry about that, I _was _considering using the door but then thought this would be way more heroic!" he practically screamed back.

"Whatever, just hurry up and get in before somebody hears you!" I sigh expecting him to sneak in through the back door.

Instead, he opted for climbing up the wall of my house and into the window.

Before I can begin to scold him, I feel his warm lips kissing mine. I fell limp as I was pushed onto my bed, and we made out for a few minutes.

After I regain my breath and mind, we start to talk.

"What...but...how...why...you're...here..." I try to speak but that's all that came out.

"That's right, I'm here. And now, we're gonna go and crash Frances party!"

As awesome as that sounded, I was still a jibbering idiot.

"B-but what about all the things and stuff and how on earth is breaking into my house via my bedroom window heroic?"

"I'm a knight in shining armour saving his princess from a life of social imprisonment - that means, I'M THE HERO!"

I was absolutely dazed.

"I-if they do see thee, they will murder thee!" I blurted. Oh great, now I'm quoting Shakespeare.

America looked confused.

"I have no idea what you just said but let's go!"

"But-"

"No buts, tonight is all about us being who we are!"

Suddenly, I found myself laughing.

"W-what?" America stammered.

"Aahaha, that was soo cheesy!"

America just smiled.

"I've missed you."

And then we escaped to Cadanan (where I discovered the guys name is actually "Canada") and partied.

It was wonderful.

* * *

><p><strong>Sunday 27th<strong>

11:25 am

Oww my head.

I had to get up extra early as my boss came round to talk to me about the Eurozone crisis once again.

Then the window repair man comes to fix my windows.

So I had to make up some story about a group of vandals throwing rocks at my house.

Bloody America.

Oh well, it was worth it for last night.

The phone is ringing.

Oh bollocks, it's another call from Germany.

* * *

><p><strong>N'awwwwwh.<strong>

**I've been watching Soul Eater recently (it's amazing - check it out!)**, **and I've only just realised that every episode title is a question, just like the chapters of this story! XD**

**Well, it's time for me to do some homework - please review as I realise this plotline has been a bit different from the usual feel of the story and I wanna make sure I'm not boring you guys ^.^**

**Sayonara**

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**


	10. We wish you a Merry Christmas?

**WOOOOOOOOO!**

**Now that I've got that out of my system, hey everyone!**

**I hope you've all had a lovely Christmas and a Happy New Year :)**

**Unfortunately my computer broke so I was unable to upload this little Christmas special on time. Also, it's not as long as it was originally as I had to rewrite it from scratch today (whilst trying to remember as much as I could of it XD)**

**Luckily I have a massive box of pocky as motivation fuel.  
><strong>

**Well I hope you enjoy it anyways!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Monday 26th December<strong>

10:56pm

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ahhh yesterday was wonderful.

You see, my boss is still treating me like some grounded teenager.

So I thought that I was just going to be spending Christmas day with my magical friends (who are REAL by the way.)

And as we're opening presents, I hear this screaming sound.

I looked around to see where it was coming from.

It was then that I realised that there was some fatass stuck up my chimney.

Now do I really have to tell you who it was?

After the rescue mission to save America, he finally emerges, covered in soot.

Usually I would have scolded him but I decided to make an exception as I hadn't seen him in a while.

Unfortunately I had forgotten that Sealand was here. So as he walked into the room he was shocked to see me kissing a very bedraggled Santa Claus.

That is how I ended up with a slap around the face and a disturbed little kid.

However, it was all worth it.

My first present from America was a rape whistle.

Yes.

That's correct.

A rape whistle.

When I questioned him he merely said, "You never know when France will attack again, so next time you'll be ready!"

Now it was America's turn to get slapped in the face.

America loved my presents for him which included:

A Superhero cape

A fast food recipe book

A book on aliens and UFO spotting

Chocolates

The Marvel Superhero Collection book

Some new video games

A fitness video

And a "special" present.

But nothing could prepare me for what America had gotten me.

As I was nearing the end of opening my presents (which included: "Cooking for Dummies", A teabag holder thingy, a book on magic, the complete Harry Potter boxset and another "special" present), I noticed there was a small box left.

I looked at it questioningly.

"Well go on, open it!" America yelled impatiently.

It was a ring.

A promise ring.

The most beautiful one I had ever seen.

It had a sapphire decorated with rubies in a flower formation, and the band was lined with diamonds.

I was seriously close to tears.

"Merry Christmas." America said in that dreamy tone that only I'm allowed to hear.

And with that we kissed.

* * *

><p><strong>1st January<strong>

1:15pm

I have literally just gotten out of bed.

My head is absolutely killing me and thanks to America I can no longer sit down.

But the World New Years party was worth it.

Let's see, which bit should I tell you about first?

Well, first of all there was the world buffet which was delicous.

Sadly not very many people seemed to want to try the British stall.

I can't imagine why - Yorkshire pudding tastes delicous!

Then there was a massive drinking competition between Germany and Prussia.

Germany won in the end, but Prussia still claims to be the better drinker anyway.

We all watched Japan and Korea doing these funny dances to their music (obviously Japan had drank a substantial amount of alcohol before hand).

I also got a chance to catch up with...with...erm...Canada.

Apparantly his relationship with France is going smoothly.

I think I may have finally shaken off "le Frog" once and for all.

Finally, it was time for the countdown to 2012.

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Everyone was cheering happily and I finally had an excuse to kiss America in public.

Eventually we all went to bed.

Now I only have one tiny issue that needs resolving.

Convincing America that the world is NOT going to end this year!

* * *

><p><strong>Awwwwwww *gets the warm fuzzies*<strong>

**I hope this chapter was worth waiting for.**

**And also, if you're interested I've just started a blog:**

**the-otaku-diary / blogspot . com (remove the spaces)**

**Please leave a review on the way out :)**

**Sayonara**


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